11.12.09.

good morning lovely people! :)
happy Thursday! today i have therapy at 10:15, well, i am not dreading it, it may be good, who knows. :) staying positive about it. and then later today i need to go to the art store to get some things. well today is going to be a great day, i know it ;) because i am already in a swell mood(swell wtf? Maya lol) okay swell mood it is!, ;) yes!
because i had a somewhat of a different breakfast besides oatmeal, you all are looking at my breekie picture and thinking, what? ... ;)

bUT in that bowl is, brown rice porridge!, inspired by Maggie(the great ;) yes i made it! and it was amazing! and a great little step towards a breakfast that isn't in a bowl, hehe...well this morning as i am an early early riser,
i cooked up a pot of
long grained basmatti brown rice, infused with a cinnamon stick while the rice was cooking, just stuck a cinn-stick in the pot(the scent of the nutty rice and warm cinnamon was amazing!) then took 3/4 cup of the rice and put in a smaller pot, added 1/4 cup unsweetened vanilla hemp milk, 1/2 a melted banana, 2 tbsp raisins, a dash of cloves, ginger and ground cinnamon. and raw honey! and topped with toasted chopped walnuts. and poured a bit more hemp over...
divine! i loved it!

i am going to slowly work my way up to expanding my breakfasts, as many of you inspirational loves have been doing lately(Karina, and Lexi) to name a few ;)..... its wonderful to just get out of a rut, even if you love oatmeal, cereal, or whatever your comfort breekie is, to switch it up is liberating, even if its just a different oat grain!
i think we all have a "safe" food a safe fruit, starch, fat, etc...in my mind i feel like my ed puts a "label" on what foods are safe and what-not..but no food is "good' no food is "bad" i know that rationally but f-ing ED just tells me otherwise! but food is food and its all the same as long as you love it, put love into it, enjoy it, and its all nourishment for our bodies which is all that matters.

but going back to challenging a "safe" food, and breaking a rut of some sort, it is hard, i get so comfy with certain things. certain times i have to eat. but to change/challenge this, i know is going to be a great feeling once i keep doing it! liberation. and a fuck you to ED that i don't have to be in that "small box" that i feel like my anorexia puts me in sometimes.

ok...(embarrassing myself now..but i am sure many of u can relate)...i remember when all that my diet consisted of was a veggie sun dried tomato wrap for lunch and an Atkins bar for breakfast. and a *cough* ehem lean cuisine for dinner...:/ yikes.lol .that was one summer when i was 17 it was pitiful and i was "trying to gain" ohh me oh Maya!" hehe..well, yes, i have gotten so much better in terms of all my food choices, and loads more too, at that time i had not a clue how to eat, then went IP and still didn't know aht a normal diet should lopk like...and then it took me until last September when out of IP 2nd time (18 years old) and i felt like i was 'learning how to eat again.." like a little baby. now i have came so far in my mind, i feel like i am more aware of what my body needs and what a real meal should look like to some extent..Dont get me wrong... ohman...i sure have a ways to go.

(Me and my mommy, eating when i was a wee lil babe ) hehe. what am i eating? looks like honey dew melon and fried chicken lol...mayb? lol..
ehah.

well
anywhooooo
i feel, i have it IN ME to eat/go/do anything..i am feeling stronger...and it just hit me...WHY not! just go for it! and break all of ed's rules!!!

like comme on? i want to go out to eat(gee, so scary to think about) but expanding my horizons in my eats and in life and social interactions etc.! is such an important step in recovery.

well ...yes! my day alone yesterday, was quite nice! i had fun, by myself, me myself and I. well i did start talking to myself :P walked to Starbucks and had some tea, as i feel like i am getting a lil cold, Starbucks was packed with people so i didn't stay long, walked home(10 minutes) and had lunch...and then resorted to leaving like a million face book video comments on peoples walls lol...ahh it was quite fun! Eliza 'OH so conveniently, didn't charge her phone, so i couldn't call her, maybe that was a good thing?
well, again, in a happy uplifted mood, but what bothers me so that i don't know if i'd be this happy, if i weighed myself or something... and i hate that whenever the scale, a number, i am reminded of, it 'kills' my motivation. But, i must weight soon, and i need to increase again. as much as ED is screaming NO NO...! i know its what is needed.

i was so happy to see all my comments, and that you guys all thought my Mom doing a guest post was a great idea! my Mom after reading my comments, she says " seems like i am in high demand for a post " :) ahh yes,! it will be funfun! yay! okeedokee..well, i was thinking also if i am 'brave' enough...maybe a video post? from Me? as i am a bit mysterious, no? ok, not really, well, my profile pic is like 1/2 my face lol...but i feel like a video post would be fun! i shall see, we shall see ;)
lalala..

some eats from Wednesday(yesterday)

hey look it! i found a pistachio lara in the leaves :) soo yummy! love this flav.a sammie of 2 tbsp raw smooth almond butter, with some TJ cran-apple butter, pumpkin puree, and a bowl of kambocha+cinnamon (LOVE) and a sliced apple. delicious!

snack time rolled around, had low salt cottage cheese, 1/3 cup TJ ginger cashew granola, persimmon and 1/2 a sachet of orange raisins..yum!

**dinner was a bit boring..a usual stand by meal...millet, with kambocha squash :) edaname, string beans and sunflower seeds and pistachios galore! :)
spiced with the usual curry spices, etc....it wasnt tooo picture worthy but it was yummy!**

**and after dinner snack was TJ ff FROYO and some prunes.**

love you all!
have a great TGIT! :)

xo
maya

p.s .
just attempted at downloading a video and
A.) got scared that i looked "fat" :(
B.) it was taking fooooreeverrr!
so..
i will do one another time ;) and
be a brave soul hehe
xoxoxo